On Monday I went to sit by the harbour. I rarely get there now I’m a single mother. I’m always too busy. But on that day, I had to stop. To remember him by the water he loved.
It’s been 5 years since my husband died. Sometimes it still feels like yesterday, but in other ways my life with Bill feels like another world. So much has changed since then. That’s what happens. You create new habits alone. Each one, a nail in the coffin of your old life, together. The “moving on” you never wanted to do.
Now the pain has become a dull ache. There’s the occasional pit of despair still, but I’ve found ways to shut it away. I’ve learnt to survive. But I haven't forgotten.
The harbour always reminds me of Bill. Coming here, has become a special place for me. He grew up on the river here, messing about in boats. He loved “frolicking” in the waves on the beach, getting his feet wet, rowing, kayaking and sailing. He always had a boat. Sounds idyllic? Perhaps, but my contrary husband didn’t do things the way other people did. His were usually dilapidated and – sinking.
One of our first dates was a trip on Sydney harbour on his little tub of a yacht, aptly named Seacow. As the wind freshened, the wooden seams began to open and the water came in. I bailed bucket loads over the side, while he sailed us to shore. It must have been love, because our relationship didn’t stop there…. Nor, incredibly did the boats.
Another sinking boat: This is the dinghy he left tied under a tree while we were overseas. He couldn't understand why no-one stole it!
Years later in England, we bought a beautiful wooden yacht – vintage and demanding of our time. It was the only way we could afford to follow his dream and sail halfway around the world. Buy something old, no-one else was crazy enough to consider!
We spent the first five months of our cruise - from the UK to the Caribbean -realising what we’d taken on. Struggling into port under sail, after the engine failed, yet again. Bill became really good at sign language, getting parts fixed cheaply, in fishermen’s workshops. We spent a week in Galicia, in Northern Spain, varnishing the boat from top to toerail, while friends on plastic boats got to visit the sights. And that was before our Atlantic crossing: 16 days, 100 hand pumps an hour… manually pumping water out of the bilges because of a mysterious slow leak.
Having said that, she was a sound, traditionally built, yacht. So, after a month in Trinidad fixing things, we were able to safely carry on. Our trip became much more enjoyable. We gave up on the varnishing too. The next time the yacht saw a brush was nearly a year later, at our final destination, Sydney.
Life with Bill was never boring. That’s what I miss the most. He could make me laugh even when I was angry. These days I’m way too serious, without him.
He used to tell the best stories and have everyone in stitches. I wish I’d recorded one or two… but I didn’t. It seems incredible when I look back. It wouldn’t have been hard in the nearly 20 years we were married.
The fact is it never occurred to me. When I filmed, it was something unusual, out there. Not our everyday. Not the stories I’d heard over and over. Besides, there was no need, we had all the time in the world, or so I thought. How wrong could I be!
There’s no film of our sailing adventure either - Just photos. Electronics and damp boats don’t go together. Plus, it was in the days pre-smart phone. We discussed taking a video camera, but decided against it. Too power hungry for our small 12 volt system.
So many lost opportunities. So many regrets.
It's this collection of personal experiences that gave me the idea for Reelife Stories. A business where I record people’s life stories on film. Why? I want to help you get those important memories recorded. To make sure you don’t have the same regrets.
So have a think:
- Is there a parent whose stories you want to keep close?
- Is it your story that needs telling? An adventure, a great relationship, or a passion.
- Have you been meaning to write your memoir, but never quite get around to it?
- Perhaps there’s a message you’d like to leave for future generations?
I can come to your home, or we can go to a place that helps you remember too.
Whatever your story, I’d love to help:
Check out https://www.jackiewarren.com.au/reelifestories to find out more.
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